Holsby - answer this
The Historian wrote:
Mark Houlsby wrote:
(Snip)
You call names without knowing anything. You!
Not so. For example, I know that there are 1,609,344mm in a mile. I
know all the words to: "Edith and the Kingpin" by Joni Mitchell.
I know both White's *and* Black's first move in the Sicilian Defence. I
know the valency of all of the "noble gases". I could go on....
Somewhere in Cornwall:
Mabel. (coming forward)
Hold, monsters! Ere your pirate caravanserai
Proceed, against our will, to wed us all,
Just bear in mind that we are Wards in Chancery,
And father is Mark Houlsby!
Samuel. (cowed)
We'd better pause, or danger may befall,
Their father is Mark Houlsby.
Girls.
Yes, yes; he is Mark Houlsby!
Mark Houlsby:
Yes, yes, I am Mark Houlsby!
Samuel.
For he is Mark Houlsby!
All.
He is! Hurrah for Mark Houlsby!
Mark Houlsby:
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be Mark Houlsby!
All.
It is! Hurrah for Mark Houlsby"
SONG
I am the very model of a modern Mark Houlsby,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Mark Houlsby.
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus' uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Mark Houlsby.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery-
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy-
You'll say a better Mark Houlsby has never sat a-gee.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Mark Houlsby.
Bruceski!
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