"Jerzy" wrote in message
...
Uzytkownik "Rob" napisal w wiadomosci
ups.com...

Hi Tim,
Long time no see!
Rob

Rob, do you think that Tim is the imposter here ? Hardly to believe. Look
at the headers. The message is from ...



Well congratulations to you my friend! I didn't think that my exchange in
Serbia could be so amazing.I met a lot of wonderful people ...

This April Fool's practical joke is old but it still works. I'm guessing
you'll get lots of meta-jokes here. Internet smart guys everywhere make
joke!

Tim Hanke

"Tim Hanke" wrote in message
...
Top Ten Reasons to Play!

1. Chess is fun!
For over a thousand years, millions of people in all cultures and walks of
life have enjoyed playing the "game of kings," which probably originated
in India. Be careful--it's addictive!

This is true. Chess can be a great deal of fun and it can be very
addictive.

2. Chess is a game for people of all ages.
You can learn to play at any age, and you don't ever have to retire!
Youngsters can play oldtimers, on a level playing field.

Somewhat true. As people get older their ability to visualize and retain
information diminishes and therefore an older person will become very
frustrated playing someone much younger at the same level rank.

3. Chess enables you to meet many interesting people.
You will make lifelong friendships with people you meet through chess.
Wherever you travel in this world, chess can help you to bridge the
cultural gap.

This is not true at all. Try playing chess with some Islamic radicals and
they will shove a bad knight up your behind. Meet interesting people? Just
tell any girl in a singles bar that you play chess and watch where the
conversation doesn't go from there. If you are an ass man this will be a
good thing because you will get a really good shot of her butt as she walks
away from you and to someone who DOES NOT admit to playing chess.

4. Chess helps kids perform better in school.

Only stupid kids from lower socioeconomic backgrounds are actually helped by
chess. Take Bobby Fischer for example. A high school drop out, a
completely socially inept loser. Sure chess pulled him out of the gutter
long enough that he could snag a couple of million bazookas. But chess
didn't give him the tools to know when to keep his ****ing mouth shut and
now he walks around talking **** and garbage and because of his chessmouth
he has become a hated despised disipate. Think about it....... If he had
taken up banjo playing he wouldn't be in his current chess predicament.

5. Chess opens up the world for you.

This statement is dellusional. The world was and is never really closed to
anyone. It's just like telling teenagers that they can "find themselves"
through meditation. Wanna find yourself? Look in the God damned mirror.
Want the world to open up? Get an apartment in San Francisco.

6.Chess teaches you to plan ahead and foresee the consequences of your
actions.

If the world was a two dimensional chessboard this would hold some weight,
but let's get real here. This number 6 is one of the stupidest most
infantile statements I have ever heard in my entire life. A liberal arts
education with a study of law teaches you the consequences of your actions,
not chess. The major networks love to flash on guys playing chess when they
take on those tours of maximum security, daily butt ****ing jails. After a
few games or a few hundred games are you going to let your kid sister or
your wife be alone with these gibrones?

7. Our brains instinctively respond to the beautiful harmony of chess.

Where is your proof of this? I think you got this thought at the crucial
moment when you were making the scene with a magazine and your are pasting
it here. Please, if you must wax poetically, do it with a real girl.


8. Chess is the simplest of all games.

Do I need to say anying about this statement?


9. Chess is easy to learn

Maybe it's easy for me, but not for most of the bozos on this newsgroup.
Ever try to teach chess to a girl? It's all but impossible.



10. Chess is inexpensive.

Gutter chess is inexpensive where you play with idiots like yourself. But
to really play well you need a real ebony set, on a handmade board and you
need to play for money. At least a hundred bucks a game otherwise it's a
completely meaningless waste of your time. In addition, TIM, if you'd stop
being a sissy and play me for a hundred bucks a game you will rapidly find
out it's a very expensive game.

OK, there are lots of books and computer programs to buy if you get really
serious! But all you really need to play is a board and set.

This last unnumbered piece is also bullrush. You absolutely do not need to
be serious to buy the books and computer programs. Most people who buy them
are bozos, losers, social outcasts, idiots or downright arschfikkers. These
ass clowns are not serious TIM. Now please write something intelligent in
the future or don't write at all. Everyone here agrees.

Willie

Tim Hanke

CroD napisal(a):


Tim Hanke, visited Serbia and Montenegro! Delegation of US Army visited
Serbia and Montenegro (SCG) Ministry of Defence, and Serbia and Montenegro
Armed Forces (VSCG).
Have a Comment?

CroD

Well, I think that Tim is on a top secret peace mission in Iraq right
now

Anyway he was a nice guy, a real chess fan.

"Jerzy" wrote in message
oups.com...
CroD napisal(a):


Tim Hanke, visited Serbia and Montenegro! Delegation of US Army visited
Serbia and Montenegro (SCG) Ministry of Defence, and Serbia and
Montenegro
Armed Forces (VSCG).
Have a Comment?

CroD

Well, I think that Tim is on a top secret peace mission in Iraq right
now

Anyway he was a nice guy, a real chess fan.


It is not easy being a chess fan these days. ... After all this, we must ask
ourselves again: Is being a chess fan really all that difficult?
Tim, I'm glad to hear you're still around. I've been really worried about
you and I'm glad to hear you are okay. ...

CroD

"CroD" wrote in message
...
"Jerzy" wrote in message
oups.com...
CroD napisal(a):


Tim Hanke, visited Serbia and Montenegro! Delegation of US Army visited
Serbia and Montenegro (SCG) Ministry of Defence, and Serbia and
Montenegro
Armed Forces (VSCG).
Have a Comment?

CroD

Well, I think that Tim is on a top secret peace mission in Iraq right
now

Anyway he was a nice guy, a real chess fan.


It is not easy being a chess fan these days. ... After all this, we must
ask
ourselves again: Is being a chess fan really all that difficult?
Tim, I'm glad to hear you're still around. I've been really worried about
you and I'm glad to hear you are okay. ...

CroD




You're an imposter! I have to say, I am beginning to think that you are not
a moron, but rather suffers from a personality.

Jerzy

Uzytkownik "LiamToo" napisal w wiadomosci
ups.com...

The imposter from "Crna Gora NNTPCache groupie" is using the name Tim
Hanke this time, that's what Taylor Kingston is trying to say.

Everybody knows that Tim Hanke is not an imposter, however, his name
is being used by the OP.

I was also responding to a fake The Historian.

Very, very funny Lance.

Now who will write ten reasons to write here instead of playing chess ?

Jerzy wrote:
Very, very funny Lance.

Now who will write ten reasons to write here instead of playing chess ?

True, Tim Hanke, The Historian and CroD are the same person posting
from Yugoslavia under "Crna Gora NNTPCache groupie"

I wonder if you know how to look at the headers? Here's a sample and
they're the same on the above posters that I mentioned:

From: "Tim Hanke"
Newsgroups: rec.games.chess.misc
Subject: Top Ten Reasons to Play!
Date: Mon, 17 Apr 2006 18:55:17 +0200
Organization: Internet Crna Gora NNTPCache groupie
Lines: 36
Message-ID:
NNTP-Posting-Host: 213.149.105.26
X-Trace: ss405.t-com.hr 1145292920 8913 213.149.105.26 (17 Apr 2006
16:55:20 GMT)
X-Complaints-To:
NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 17 Apr 2006 16:55:20 +0000 (UTC)
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2900.2869
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.2869
X-RFC2646: Format=Flowed; Original
Cache-Post-Path:
X-Cache: nntpcache 3.0.1 (see http://www.nntpcache.org/)

Top Ten Reasons to Play!

"LiamToo" wrote in message
oups.com...
Jerzy wrote:
Very, very funny Lance.

Now who will write ten reasons to write here instead of playing chess ?


True, Tim Hanke, The Historian and CroD are the same person posting
from Yugoslavia under "Crna Gora NNTPCache groupie"

I wonder if you know how to look at the headers? Here's a sample and
they're the same on the above posters that I mentioned:

From: "Tim Hanke"
Newsgroups: rec.games.chess.misc
Subject: Top Ten Reasons to Play!
Date: Mon, 17 Apr 2006 18:55:17 +0200
Organization: Internet Crna Gora NNTPCache groupie
Lines: 36
Message-ID:
NNTP-Posting-Host: 213.149.105.26
X-Trace: ss405.t-com.hr 1145292920 8913 213.149.105.26 (17 Apr 2006
16:55:20 GMT)
X-Complaints-To:
NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 17 Apr 2006 16:55:20 +0000 (UTC)
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2900.2869
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.2869
X-RFC2646: Format=Flowed; Original
Cache-Post-Path:
X-Cache: nntpcache 3.0.1 (see http://www.nntpcache.org/)

Top Ten Reasons to Play!


Thanks!

"Jerzy" wrote in message
...
"LiamToo" wrote in message
oups.com...
Jerzy wrote:
Very, very funny Lance.

Now who will write ten reasons to write here instead of playing chess ?


True, Tim Hanke, The Historian and CroD are the same person posting
from Yugoslavia under "Crna Gora NNTPCache groupie"

I wonder if you know how to look at the headers? Here's a sample and
they're the same on the above posters that I mentioned:

From: "Tim Hanke"
Newsgroups: rec.games.chess.misc
Subject: Top Ten Reasons to Play!
Date: Mon, 17 Apr 2006 18:55:17 +0200
Organization: Internet Crna Gora NNTPCache groupie
Lines: 36
Message-ID:
NNTP-Posting-Host: 213.149.105.26
X-Trace: ss405.t-com.hr 1145292920 8913 213.149.105.26 (17 Apr 2006
16:55:20 GMT)
X-Complaints-To:
NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 17 Apr 2006 16:55:20 +0000 (UTC)
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2900.2869
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.2869
X-RFC2646: Format=Flowed; Original
Cache-Post-Path:
X-Cache: nntpcache 3.0.1 (see http://www.nntpcache.org/)

Top Ten Reasons to Play!


Thanks!


This is not the real Jerzy. It's our new multi-named imposter.
Congratulations! You can be a moron from Serbia!!!

Unfortunately, I agree almost entirely with Willie's statements. You
just have to accept the real world and that chess might not be the end
all of gaming (well it isn't), or even your life if you take it that
far...

Yeah, chess is a great game and addictive, if you can actually be
bothered to learn the over-complex rules and actually actively try to
learn playing. It helps you meet other chess players only, and it can
bridge the cultural gap. That is, if the country you're going to is a
chess nation. Russia might work for you. Europe and America is
generally where the game belongs. In Asia - not so much chance. They
have their own games. And which part of the world does chess open up
really?

Chess might tell you that your actions actually do have consequences,
as if you didn't know that already, well... but does it tell you what
these consequences would actually be in real life? Not one little bit.
Get out and explore the world!

You have not yet responded to 11. Chess is the most popular game in the
world today. Yeah, that would be Chinese Chess for strategic board
games. And that's very different to European/International Chess.
Second is a game called Go. Our chess probably comes next. Chinese
Chess is a game for the commoners. Go is the game of the Kings!

Go - now that is a real game, and I only found out about it last week!
This is a game for the real mind. If any game is easy to learn, the
simplest of all games, then this is it! You might have never heard of
it, and I wouldn't be surprised either. I hadn't. Some of us just get
engulfed in the world of International Chess and think that all other
games are just silly in comparison. You would be severely mistaken if
that is what you think. If you're a "real life" sort of person then
you won't hesitate to get into this new challenger to the throne. If
you're a chess maniac scared of the sound of competition or simply
dismissive then you've probably already stopped reading. There's only
about 5 rules, one of which has no point in my opinion, and if I made
my own set of rules I would remove it (like making suicide illegal is
going to make a difference) and the scoring rule, which has no control
over play in the game, and therefore varies between playing countries.
I prefer the Japanese scoring myself (territory captured and prisoners
taken). Studies show that this game stimulates both sides of the brain
(unlike chess) and it helps old people to overcome senile dementia and
other mental illnesses. To go through the checkbox for this game I
would say that 1,2,4,8 and 9 are true. Others fall on the same
arguments as chess. A good thing about Go compared to chess is that it
is a much more strategic game. Chess is almost entirely tactics
(remember the quote?) Look at our World Champion Kasparov being
thrashed by a computer. This is not yet possible in Go. Computers can
do tactics in a flash, but strategy is still out of its reach. Also,
Go is a much more dynamic and artistic game, and it actually allows you
to give handicaps without affecting the nature of the game, so you can
play people with less skill than you and still have a challenging game
to remove their preliminary advantage! And one more advantage to the
lazy amongst you - it requires no setup - you start with an empty
board!!! So, why not try out this game and get an idea for it. By the
way, this game is much older than chess (3 or 4 000 years old) and it
originates in China. It is played in countries such as Japan, S Korea,
Taiwan and Singapore, and the proper equipment is rare (slate, shells
and wood)... I should also warn you that this game is played on the
intersections of a grid rather than the squares. Oh, and another fact.
Professional Go players can win much more money than Chess players.
Just thought I'd tell you that...

To make sure you don't have to do any research to get into your first
game:
http://unkx80.netfirms.com/weiqi/howtoplaygo/
And a playing server, so you don't have to convince anyone else to play
with you or buy a board, and also makes sure you are beaten easily on
your first game (like you could ever win):
http://www.pandanet.co.jp/English/
To train some skills so you can improve your game if you think it is
worth it:
http://www.goproblems.com/

Since this has nothing to do with chess I'm just going to run now...

Not that I have anything against chess though... It's still a hard
challenging game against a competent opponent. As to whether Go or
International Chess is a better game, I am still undecided. If any
info that I have presented here is incorrect, I am not to be held
responsible. I copied it all from elsewhere...