Here is an old chess joke. I do not remember where I first read it, so
I am reciting it the best I can from memory. If anybody knows where it
was published please let me know.

It starts from an actual historical event, which was that at the great
Grandmaster tournament at St. Petersburg 1914, where the grandmaster
title was first awarded, Rubinstein was repeatedly woken up by the
Czar's Secret Police so as to disturb his sleep (perhaps because he
was Jewish). As a result, Rubinstein had one of the worst results of
his life and did not make it to the finals. (This was told to me by
none other than Glenn Hartleb.)

So here is the joke:

During the great Grandmaster Tournament of St. Petersburg 1914, at
2:00 A.M. in the morning, Rubinstein was woken up by a loud knocking
at his hotel room door.

Rubinstein had to wake up and answer the door.

At the door stood an old Russian peasant, chessboard in hand, loudly
and excitingly exclaiming.

"I have done it. I have solved it. White has a win by force in 19
moves!"

Rubinstein was perturbed and tried to push the old Russian peasant out
the door. But, the old man persisted. Finally, Rubinstein had no
choice but to sit down and play the man.

Rubinstein took black. The old man took white.

And what should happen but on exactly the 19th move, the old man said
checkmate. Rubinstein had been checkmated!

Naturally, Rubinstein was shocked by this development, so he said to
the old man, "We had better show this to Alekhine."

So, Rubinstein and the old man went down the hall of the hotel and
knocked on Alekhine's door.

Naturally, Alekhine was upset at being woken up in the middle of the
night, but finally he agreed to play the old man.

Alekhine took black and what should happen but on exactly the 19th
move, the old man delivered checkmate.

Now, the situation was serious so they decided that they had better go
to see Capablanca about this.

The three of them went down the hallway of the hotel, knocked on the
door and woke up Capablanca.

Capablanca was not happy either but finally he too agreed to play the
old man.

The end result was that Capablanca was checkmated on exactly the 19th
move.

That is the end of the story.

"But what", said the listener. "What happened to the old man?"

"Oh, well. We had to kill him, of course."

Sam Sloan

"samsloan" Here is an old chess joke...

You were not referring to yourself? At least now I see how you rap to the
young girls that later become your wives. You tell them bad jokes, and then
pretend that they do not understand the joke because you are so much smarter
than they are.

Then you show them your wallet and the Green Card application and seal the
deal.

The Old Chess Joke:














Sam Sloan

On Jun 19, 3:41 pm, samsloan wrote:
Here is an old chess joke. I do not remember where I first read it, so
I am reciting it the best I can from memory. If anybody knows where it
was published please let me know.

It starts from an actual historical event, which was that at the great
Grandmaster tournament at St. Petersburg 1914, where the grandmaster
title was first awarded, Rubinstein was repeatedly woken up by the
Czar's Secret Police so as to disturb his sleep (perhaps because he
was Jewish). As a result, Rubinstein had one of the worst results of
his life and did not make it to the finals. (This was told to me by
none other than Glenn Hartleb.)

So here is the joke:

During the great Grandmaster Tournament of St. Petersburg 1914, at
2:00 A.M. in the morning, Rubinstein was woken up by a loud knocking
at his hotel room door.

Rubinstein had to wake up and answer the door.

At the door stood an old Russian peasant, chessboard in hand, loudly
and excitingly exclaiming.

"I have done it. I have solved it. White has a win by force in 19
moves!"

Rubinstein was perturbed and tried to push the old Russian peasant out
the door. But, the old man persisted. Finally, Rubinstein had no
choice but to sit down and play the man.

Rubinstein took black. The old man took white.

And what should happen but on exactly the 19th move, the old man said
checkmate. Rubinstein had been checkmated!

Naturally, Rubinstein was shocked by this development, so he said to
the old man, "We had better show this to Alekhine."

So, Rubinstein and the old man went down the hall of the hotel and
knocked on Alekhine's door.

Naturally, Alekhine was upset at being woken up in the middle of the
night, but finally he agreed to play the old man.

Alekhine took black and what should happen but on exactly the 19th
move, the old man delivered checkmate.

Now, the situation was serious so they decided that they had better go
to see Capablanca about this.

The three of them went down the hallway of the hotel, knocked on the
door and woke up Capablanca.

Capablanca was not happy either but finally he too agreed to play the
old man.

The end result was that Capablanca was checkmated on exactly the 19th
move.

That is the end of the story.

"But what", said the listener. "What happened to the old man?"

"Oh, well. We had to kill him, of course."

Sam Sloan

That joke is based on the plot of "Mate in Nineteen," a short story
by Vincent Fotre, in which a French peasant (iirc) comes to a
grandmaster, or world champion maybe it was, with analytical proof
that White has a forced mate in at most 19 moves from the opening
array. The GM is convinced, but does not say so. Rather than kill the
peasant, the GM merely dismisses his many pages of analysis as
unsound, sends the peasant away, then burns the analysis to protect
his livelihood as a chess player.
Read it over 40 years ago, probably in some anthology edited by
Chernev, Reinfeld or Horowitz, so my memories of some details may be a
bit inaccurate. The original version has only fictitious characters,
as I recall; someone later must have grafted Alekhine, Capablanca et
al onto the story.

On Jul 3, 2:02 pm, Taylor Kingston wrote:

That joke is based on the plot of "Mate in Nineteen," a short story
by Vincent Fotre, in which a French peasant (iirc) comes to a
grandmaster, or world champion maybe it was, with analytical proof
that White has a forced mate in at most 19 moves from the opening
array. The GM is convinced, but does not say so. Rather than kill the
peasant, the GM merely dismisses his many pages of analysis as
unsound, sends the peasant away, then burns the analysis to protect
his livelihood as a chess player.
Read it over 40 years ago, probably in some anthology edited by
Chernev, Reinfeld or Horowitz, so my memories of some details may be a
bit inaccurate. The original version has only fictitious characters,
as I recall; someone later must have grafted Alekhine, Capablanca et
al onto the story.


It would appear that you remembered the ending a bit
wrong, but got the gist of it right.

Using a Google search -- a tool nearly as powerful as the
infallible mind of the fantabulous GM Ray Keene -- I found
this story on the internet.

It is couched in terms suggestive of the class struggle
between the wealthy (here, skewered as smugly arrogant
fools) and the lowly working class (hapless victims).

In the story, the apparently French (or perhaps Belgian)
master is said to be the foremost player in his country. After
first giving very subtle warnings (guarde la derrierre?), the
very unfortunate peasant is stabbed in the back with a large
chess piece (a Bishop) and presumably killed. The
implications of his "solution" to chess (in which White is
given as winning rather quickly by force) are sweepingly
wide in the story, ranging *far beyond* the 64 squares.
Several famous grandmasters were mentioned, but not
directly involved in the plot.

In the Sam Sloan version, Mr. Rubenstein is made out to
be the victim of a Soviet villain who harries him in the night
so he cannot sleep because, we are told, he was Jewish;
but several other participants of that same tourney were
also Jewish, so this makes no rational sense. Likewise,
it would seem to be a whole lot simpler to just not invite
those persons whom the villainous establishment do not
wish to win an event. Fact: Em. Lasker won, and he, too
is said to have been Jewish. Yeesh!

The version I read many years ago was something in
between these two, and cast GMs Alekhine and Capa-
blanca as the masters who, upon discovering that chess
had been "solved", murdered the unfortunate fellow who
had come (first to GM Alekhine) to get verification.

IMO, these imitators' versions are vastly inferior to the
original, because they give the primary motivation for the
murder as being simply protection of the murderers' own
personal livelihoods. The original was far broader in its
scope, its thinking, and utilized clever techniques to lend
emphasis to the differences between the two classes as
they were portrayed in the story.

At the same Web site, I also found an interesting, if
very brief, story about George Washington and chess.
It would take considerable research to verify it, but this
could be richly rewarding in the long run.

-- help bot

On Jul 3, 2:02 pm, Taylor Kingston wrote:

That joke is based on the plot of "Mate in Nineteen," a short story
by Vincent Fotre, in which a French peasant (iirc) comes to a
grandmaster, or world champion maybe it was, with analytical proof
that White has a forced mate in at most 19 moves from the opening
array. The GM is convinced, but does not say so. Rather than kill the
peasant, the GM merely dismisses his many pages of analysis as
unsound, sends the peasant away, then burns the analysis to protect
his livelihood as a chess player.
Read it over 40 years ago, probably in some anthology edited by
Chernev, Reinfeld or Horowitz, so my memories of some details may be a
bit inaccurate. The original version has only fictitious characters,
as I recall; someone later must have grafted Alekhine, Capablanca et
al onto the story.


It would appear that you remembered the ending a bit
wrong, but got the gist of it right.

Using a Google search -- a tool nearly as powerful as the
infallible mind of the fantabulous GM Ray Keene -- I found
this story on the internet.

It is couched in terms suggestive of the class struggle
between the wealthy (here, skewered as smugly arrogant
fools) and the lowly working class (hapless victims).

In the story, the apparently French (or perhaps Belgian)
master is said to be the foremost player in his country. After
first giving very subtle warnings (guarde la derrierre?), the
very unfortunate peasant is stabbed in the back with a large
chess piece (a Bishop) and presumably killed. The
implications of his "solution" to chess (in which White is
given as winning rather quickly by force) are sweepingly
wide in the story, ranging *far beyond* the 64 squares.
Several famous grandmasters were mentioned, but not
directly involved in the plot.

In the Sam Sloan version, Mr. Rubenstein is made out to
be the victim of a Soviet villain who harries him in the night
so he cannot sleep because, we are told, he was Jewish;
but several other participants of that same tourney were
also Jewish, so this makes no rational sense. Likewise,
it would seem to be a whole lot simpler to just not invite
those persons whom the villainous establishment do not
wish to win an event. Fact: Em. Lasker won, and he, too
is said to have been Jewish. Yeesh!

The version I read many years ago was something in
between these two, and cast GMs Alekhine and Capa-
blanca as the masters who, upon discovering that chess
had been "solved", murdered the unfortunate fellow who
had come (first to GM Alekhine) to get verification.

IMO, these imitators' versions are vastly inferior to the
original, because they give the primary motivation for the
murder as being simply protection of the murderers' own
personal livelihoods. The original was far broader in its
scope, its thinking, and utilized clever techniques to lend
emphasis to the differences between the two classes as
they were portrayed in the story.

At the same Web site, I also found an interesting, if
very brief, story about George Washington and chess.
It would take considerable research to verify it, but this
could be richly rewarding in the long run.

-- help bot

On Jul 3, 5:05 pm, help bot wrote:
On Jul 3, 2:02 pm, Taylor Kingston wrote:

That joke is based on the plot of "Mate in Nineteen," a short story
by Vincent Fotre, in which a French peasant (iirc) comes to a
grandmaster, or world champion maybe it was, with analytical proof
that White has a forced mate in at most 19 moves from the opening
array. The GM is convinced, but does not say so. Rather than kill the
peasant, the GM merely dismisses his many pages of analysis as
unsound, sends the peasant away, then burns the analysis to protect
his livelihood as a chess player.
Read it over 40 years ago, probably in some anthology edited by
Chernev, Reinfeld or Horowitz, so my memories of some details may be a
bit inaccurate. The original version has only fictitious characters,
as I recall; someone later must have grafted Alekhine, Capablanca et
al onto the story.

It would appear that you remembered the ending a bit
wrong, but got the gist of it right.

Ah, thanks for the correction. As I said, it's been about 40 years,
and I only read it the once.

Using a Google search -- a tool nearly as powerful as the
infallible mind of the fantabulous GM Ray Keene -- I found
this story on the internet.

Where did you find it? When I searched for "Mate in Nineteen" or
"Mate in 19" all I got were a bunch of chess problem sites! And
"Vincent Fotre" mainly turned up books about tennis. :-/

It is couched in terms suggestive of the class struggle
between the wealthy (here, skewered as smugly arrogant
fools) and the lowly working class (hapless victims).

In the story, the apparently French (or perhaps Belgian)
master is said to be the foremost player in his country. After
first giving very subtle warnings (guarde la derrierre?), the
very unfortunate peasant is stabbed in the back with a large
chess piece (a Bishop) and presumably killed. The
implications of his "solution" to chess (in which White is
given as winning rather quickly by force) are sweepingly
wide in the story, ranging *far beyond* the 64 squares.
Several famous grandmasters were mentioned, but not
directly involved in the plot.

In the Sam Sloan version, Mr. Rubenstein is made out to
be the victim of a Soviet villain

Not in 1914.

who harries him in the night
so he cannot sleep because, we are told, he was Jewish;
but several other participants of that same tourney were
also Jewish, so this makes no rational sense. Likewise,
it would seem to be a whole lot simpler to just not invite
those persons whom the villainous establishment do not
wish to win an event. Fact: Em. Lasker won, and he, too
is said to have been Jewish. Yeesh!

Not to mention Tarrasch, Nimzovitch, Janowski and Gunsberg.


The version I read many years ago was something in
between these two, and cast GMs Alekhine and Capa-
blanca as the masters who, upon discovering that chess
had been "solved", murdered the unfortunate fellow who
had come (first to GM Alekhine) to get verification.

IMO, these imitators' versions are vastly inferior to the
original, because they give the primary motivation for the
murder as being simply protection of the murderers' own
personal livelihoods. The original was far broader in its
scope, its thinking, and utilized clever techniques to lend
emphasis to the differences between the two classes as
they were portrayed in the story.

At the same Web site, I also found an interesting, if
very brief, story about George Washington and chess.
It would take considerable research to verify it, but this
could be richly rewarding in the long run.

-- help bot

On Jul 3, 6:39 pm, Taylor Kingston wrote:

Using a Google search -- a tool nearly as powerful as the
infallible mind of the fantabulous GM Ray Keene -- I found
this story on the internet.

Where did you find it?

On the internet. I though I just told you! Am I losing my
mind? ;D

Okay, in my Google search, I typed in the author's name
followed by the name of the story, with only spaces in
between, like so:

Vincent Fotre Mate in Nineteen

Then I clicked on the first "hit" which appeared to match
what I was looking for (Ramble on...) and scrolled down
until I found the story. Was it just beginner's luck, or
a superb display of intelligent use of one of the world's
most stupendous informational tools (second only to
the indomitable Ray Keene)? You decide.


When I searched for "Mate in Nineteen" or
"Mate in 19" all I got were a bunch of chess problem sites!


That is probably because there are innumerable possible
commentaries wherein a mate-in-nineteen moves is
mentioned in passing. This is why I put in the author's
name, to weed out the irrelevant, generic discussions of
some random mate-in-x or other. And of course the
reason I put in the story's title was to eradicate irrelevant
"hits" on anything else the author may have written or
done.


And "Vincent Fotre" mainly turned up books about tennis. :-/


Google is not for amateurs. It takes years of hard work,
skilled pruning techniques, and of course, most important
of all, gobs and gobs of raw intellect in order to fully master
....ahem. You get the point.



In the Sam Sloan version, Mr. Rubenstein is made out to
be the victim of a Soviet villain

Not in 1914.


Okay, so it was "the Czar's Secret Police". (Who this
Czar fellow and how did he keep his police force secret
if they went 'round knocking on doors at all hours of the
night?) In any case, the important thing is that he had
lots of money with which to organize chess tournaments.


who harries him in the night
so he cannot sleep because, we are told, he was Jewish;
but several other participants of that same tourney were
also Jewish, so this makes no rational sense. Likewise,
it would seem to be a whole lot simpler to just not invite
those persons whom the villainous establishment do not
wish to win an event. Fact: Em. Lasker won, and he, too
is said to have been Jewish. Yeesh!

Not to mention Tarrasch, Nimzovitch, Janowski and Gunsberg.


My point exactly. Mr. Sloan's "logic" seems to have
overlooked all of these men. He needs to chuck the
idea, or else insert some rationale for singling out Mr.
Rubinstein.

-- help bot

"help bot" wrote in message
ups.com...


At the same Web site, I also found an interesting, if
very brief, story about George Washington and chess.
It would take considerable research to verify it, but this
could be richly rewarding in the long run.

I should be interested to learn about Geo Washington & chess - pray tell,
what's the URL?

BTW, the Cuban Exile Gabrielle-Infante has yet another verison of the
'legend' in his book, nmea Cuba.

Phil Inns

-- help bot

Zer oldest chess choke ich kan rememberisch is Alekhinische in Portulande.
He has choke wiz zer peece of meet, is story. Vy vy vy peeple sink is
comische or 'vunny' is unclar! Maybee is porko choke, vich vud bee zer
ironismus, nein?