About a week ago a fierce challenge was offered by Marcus, activating the
little-known contingency plan by Vermont Volunteer Chess Corps for self
defense!

Already the Navy consists of two kayaks and a raft of maple-syrup cans which
now floats, and staffed by 5 naked Brattleboro woman, and heavily armed with
pine cones long-soaked in maple-syrup, and called, 'sticky bombs'.

The Land Militia, who have called themselves 'The Bad Bishops" consist of a
cadre of 10 unmarried and unemployed Unitarian Ministers who are current at
'hurling the cassock' practice. The sight of these young gentlemen on the
town green has attracted large crowds of tourists, and to-date, occasioned
five injuries by ill-aimed weighted cassocks. 2 of these Ministers were
consequently reassigned to the taunting platoon, but even there, one of them
has insuperable problems, since he says he is unable to bring himself to
yell his taunt of "Flatlanders!" without prefacing it with "Ahem, excuse me
but...", since he says, "Its rude!"

The other 3 ministers were assigned the new Artillery Division [Mortars] and
given a pick-up load of hard discuss-like cow plops to throw. While one
minister is getting the hang of it, it is unclear if the other two are
sufficiently sanguine for this activity since they refuse to remove their
gloves.

Minor friction rose last Saturday when the Bad Bishops asserted themselves
to be the senior service, whereas the women offered to fight them there and
then, and the matter was thus resolved by peaceful negotiation and two
bottles slightly used communion wine.

No sign of Marcus's flotilla in Western Mass, but a large luxury yacht was
seen passing Hartford Ct, with several dozen war canoes in trail.

The Senior Service Navy is also preparing a new secret weapon, and a
'carrier' to put it on, which sufficiently tethered to the carrier will act
as a terror weapon if Marcus's flotilla is unused to moose. The name of the
moose is being withheld.

Two local corporate sponsors have been found, plus one out-of-state
insurance company has offered, and naturally dissed.

Dateline: Brattleboro August 13, 2007.
Reporter: Corporal Clegg, VVCC

Dateline: Later that day, Brattleboro War-Zone, August 13, 2007.
Reporter: Corporal Clegg, VVCC

The foolish local newspaper, The Brattleboro Deformer, picked up my story
and immediately got everyone into an e-mail dispute with the Catholic Chess
Club, who insisted on joining up as the Air Force

- their plan is to stand on the bridges under which the Marcus war canoe
flotilla will pass and excommunicate them as they paddle upstream and, get
this, in Latin! Because they are 'over' the Connecticut, their claim to form
the Holy Saint Gravalax-the-Pathetic Air Force was uncontested.

The Unemployed Unmarried Unitarian Vicars [Army] immediately protested that
it was unfair practice against the enemy, and besides, they might not even
understand Latin, citing Martin Luther and President Bush.

The 5-woman [Navy] told them to shut the hell up, and who needs men anyway?
They are more trouble than they're...

However, the Catholics provided their own secret weapon which convinced
everyone to admit them:

Enter, one Sister Megan-Jo, 1900 ELO!

though only 4 feet 12 inches tall, the sister weighs more than Neil Brennan,
and is considerably uglier, having won the Mz. Moose look-alike contest the
past 3 years straight.

Sister Megan-Jo, because of her previous military experience is the new
Adjutant General of the VVCC Army, and she hopes to put to good use her
experiences with the Marine Corps. On being asked why she was asked to leave
that company, she replied, "Excessive swearing, but I'm over that now,
mostly"

She excused herself because of a high-level secret meeting with the ladies
from the "Frog&Toad Hairdressing Salon, Women and other genders served" who
are to form a shock-battallion, or pair.

wrote in message
ups.com...

Enter, one Sister Megan-Jo, 1900 ELO!

Do you have any black diplomats? Perhaps we can negotiate a non
agression treaty, I just want a photo with a black diplomat from
Vermont!

I knew it! News of our secret weapon Sister Megan-Jo has messed up your
crew's mind and 'em to run off!

As for black-diplomats, Vermont is still the whitest state in the Union. But
at the supermarket I have a reading buddy who is pretty black, and she is
from Connecticut originally, and stands 4 feet 12 inches tall. I of course
call her 'shorty' to annoy her, and she calls me 'Your Lordship, right!'

She is into Thomas Hardy, and we both just read The Welsh Girl by Martin Ho
Davies. As for a diplomat or ambassador I would hire her in a, er, shot. But
she don't take no nonsense and no swearing from young people - and will get
right into it with you!

This weekend I am visiting with a couple of black buddies, one here from DC
for a reunion at the international school - he is old student of mine from
Togo who now has 2 PhDs, one in economics. ROFL! His first winter he showed
up wearing 3 sweaters and two jackets - indoors! "How cold does it get
here?" he asked me in November. ROFL.

Trouble with these super-polite Africans is that they call you 'sir' when
everyone else is calling you 'phil'. He also always stood when i entered a
room. Telling him not to didn't make any difference - he just couldn't not
do it. In desperation I asked a buddy who said to ham it up even more, so I
told him that he had to stand up and also salute. He did that for three days
then the next day when i asked him a question he just grinned and started
laughing. So that worked - trouble was, he then thought /everything/ i said
to him was funny. i would be talking to a bunch of students and he would
come by and listen in, then laughing his head off, roll on the ground.

Its been about 20 years since I saw him [we only talk on phone now] so maybe
it'll be different now?

The other is a visiting professor from Bangladesh - he lectures on
leadership and management. I asked him why they needed him here and he said,
'well, who is talking for the real people?', by which he meant the poor
people, since I think maybe Bangladesh is still the poorest country on
earth.

Cordially, Phil

Marcus

"Chess One" wrote in message
news:0WBxi.1168$pf3.595@trndny06...

wrote in message
ups.com...

Enter, one Sister Megan-Jo, 1900 ELO!

Do you have any black diplomats? Perhaps we can negotiate a non
agression treaty, I just want a photo with a black diplomat from
Vermont!

Well Marcus, I talked with my buddy a bit, and I am glad I am not a black
man in America. Anybody wants to hire a PhD [Econ] tri-lingual native French
speaker, with good English now, and with a specialty in intercultural
management, with high school and univ teaching experience, interested in r&d
subjects, let me know. Warmer climates preferred

Cordially, Phil